Hetalia OneShots
by TheAwesomeMoustache
Summary: This will be just a series of random oneshots. Various pairings will be included. If you're bored, then this is definitely for you. The 2ps and 1ps will also be included, and if you have requests, just let me know. Enjoy!


_So What by Pink: 2p England x 2p France. Other characters: 2p Japan as Kyo._

Oliver was furious. Here he was, standing outside of his house at twelve o'clock in the morning. It was as dark as ever. Street lamps hung low, and most had something or the other wrong with them. Some flickered quickly; others flickered slowly. A few were just broken and lifeless and dull. Just like today.

How could his Francois do that to him? Believe that he would cheat on him? He didn't need the dumb toad anyways... All little Francy-pants did was try to slow Oliver down. He never liked that Oliver had a life. Yes, Oliver would always go out drinking with friends, primarily Allen, but still! He would never even think about another man! The sex was too good to wander...But then again, it should have been expected from the start. Neither of them trusted the other. Neither of them really ever said out loud if they even loved each other. But one of them liked kinky things, and the other was always eager to provide those kinky things. This was their common ground.

Oliver smirked as the cold wind brushed his pale and freckled face. That toad didn't even love him, did he? A grim truth, but a truth nonetheless. It didn't bother him at all. So what? You can't please them all.

Thing is, he that was the only thing he knew how to do. Please anyone and everyone. Mostly Francy. Especially Francy. He is the first man who Oliver had never tried to poison. Which, if you knew Oliver's relationship history, you would realize that is a very big thing to be grateful about. Oliver only made sweet, beautiful, and delicious cupcakes. Only for darling Francy. Actually, that's another first too. It's no secret that he makes the best cupcakes. It's just that, once you take one bite, it will always be your last. Poison will make its way through your body, and it will be his name on your lips. He makes sure of that.

It's just that regular men were so _boring_. So dull. None of them ever wanted to play with toys or play just a little rough once in a while. So, when the time came that he finally had enough of them, he would make delicious cupcakes. Poison gives them a little extra taste. Or so he says.

Francois was just a big mistake. He should have poisoned him when he had the chance. No traces, no sound. Just poison seeping through silently, and watching his face when he realized that. He should have just-

''Oliver! I have been waiting for you, friend. The bar is lively; the drinks are heavenly. Please tell me you didn't bring any cupcakes, candy, or straight up vodka?'' Kyo grinned, wild and dangerous. But so enticing. Looks like Oliver managed to find his way to his favorite club. The perfect place to set off steam.

Of course, Kyo wasn't seriously referring to candy or vodka. The cupcakes, Kyo knew all about. He knew what those meant. But luckily, the rest of the general public didn't, and that word was allowed to be safely used. Candy, however, was what Oliver would bring to satiate his thirst for something dangerous, and when he was consumed with lust. 'Candy' equaled the equivalent of roofies, or any other drug. And whenever he felt that a particular person was being an utter douche-bag, he gave them a special kind of candy,the kind that makes you sleepy and peaceful and _dead_. 'Straight up vodka' was what it sounded like. Straight up poison.

''Sorry, K, I didn't bring any of my confections with me today. However, I brought my anger at Francois with me, so you are so terribly lucky. I am in need of company, though,'' Oliver lazily drawled. After all, he had the clothes for it. But that was a regular thing. Everyday, he dressed as if he was going somewhere, was going to something important. Blue corduroy jeans, pink and blue striped vest, and a long-sleeved pink undershirt. A blue bow tie accented the look, and his leather loafers were shiny. The hair could use some work, but oh well. He didn't care. And Kyo didn't either.

The Asian man seemed to have decided to fix himself up, though. It was a little of a surprise to see him here, really. After all, running a drug cartel behind the scenes always took so much of his valuable time.

He always wore black, but today he was clothed in a shiny, nice, black suit. Black dress pants that fit him so wonderfully, and a buttoned up long-sleeved dress coat. There were even gold-colored strings hanging off of the shoulder. He was dressed to kill. To kill with charm and wit, of course. Oliver especially loved his blood-red eyes. Such fire in them! Like smoky embers just waiting to set something alight, and to just watch it burn. Oliver loved that.

''Kyo, I need to forget all about Francois,'' Oliver bluntly said. Japan didn't even blink. He just smiled slyly, and outstretched his hand. Oliver took it with a burning feeling in his stomach, a fire already burning inside.

''Of course Oliver; you should know that I'd do anything for you.''

And with that, Kyo led an eager Oliver into the best club in Las Vegas.

A few drinks later, they were both under the influence. Kyo was always the most sober, though. At least he could walk. Just don't ask him to walk in a straight line, and you could never tell if he drank at all. What else is there to say? That man could hold his liquor. But Oliver, on the other hand, was totally trashed. Too many martinis and too many shots. Too many bitter feelings made its way into his glass, making his mind hazy and vision blurry.

''K? Kyo, where are you? K?'' He asked, swiveling his chair to look around at the pulsating lights. His hands blindly tried to feel the unique texture of Kyo's suit. However, all efforts stopped when a firm hand was placed on his shoulder.

''Oliver, I really thing we have had enough for tonight, my friend. Would you like to find a place to sleep at my house? I have just enough blankets, and don't mess with my arsenal of weapons, and-''

Kyo unexpectedly was shut up with a passionate kiss by a real true British Gentleman. It then turned into a full on make out session, smack dab in the middle of the bar, with curious bystanders staring, and some even grinning. It was then that Oliver came up with a delicious plan. It was so perfect!

''I could be your wine, if you'll be my poison. What do you say, Kyo? I know how to please. There will never be a dull moment. I promise,'' Oliver purred into Kyo's ear. Kyo replied by hastily taking Oliver into his arms and resuming the kiss. Once the two broke up for breath, Kyo took his chance to truly reply.

_''I would love to be your poison, but are you sure it is me who is deadly?''_

After that night at the club, Oliver temporarily lived with Kyo. He didn't need to go back to the house for any of his things. He just bought new ones. After all, he had access to an account that held a vast amount of money (mostly Francois') and so he decided to let the toad pay for it, with no remorse whatsoever.

Kyo's abode was lavish; it was located in a gated neighborhood, and was decorated with very fine things. Oliver absolutely loved it. There was even an extra room for him, but he didn't need it. And Kyo more than just appreciated his company. Which was a shock, since Kyo didn't even ask for anything more intimate than what was given in the nightclub. And Oliver was going to make sure of that; Kyo was just a tool, something to use since he didn't have his Francy. Too bad Kyo doesn't know.

They lived in peace for three weeks. Until Francois finally caught wind of where Oliver was.

Oliver thought that maybe Francois would beg him to take him back, or would apologize and say that he misses him and loved him with all of his heart. But you know what he really got?

A voice mail filled with curses and benevolent things. No 'I love you', or 'I miss you'. And in the end, he shouted that he would find someone just like him. Oliver didn't really give it much thought. Okay, it was too much to expect the blasted fool to say or do all those cheesy things. They usually resolved things with a mind-blowing forgive-and-forget night of love. But no, Francois made it evident that they were done. Oliver didn't even bat an eyelash. Kyo even laughed when he was shown the voice mail. It was harsh and airy, not low and sultry like what Oliver was used to. But it didn't matter, right? So he and Kyo continued living in their own personal paradise of alcohol, money, and the occasional sarcastic conversations.

Until he realized who Francois was with one full week later, due to a text from the same bastard.

''Kyo, I have to leave. Now.''

Oliver was furious. He was like a melted cupcake from_ hell_. His blonde hair was in disarray. Electric blue eyes were on fire, dancing around. However, his clothes were the same as ever, pink and blue. Ironed and pressed. Kyo looked on in utter shock, and stood up. It was twelve o'clock in the morning, and he was still in casual wear. If Oliver wanted to go out, then he would have to change. Only a grey button up shirt and black jeans wouldn't do. If only Oliver would give him notice or something-

''I'm going by myself. I might be back before midnight. If I don't then you don't have to wait up for me,'' Oliver muttered, slamming the front door behind him. It took no time at all to get into one of the luxurious cars in the driveway. All he needed to do was to input a code, get inside, and push the button to start. Then he sped off to kill a certain French man.

''Francois! Francois! FRANCOIS! If you don't open this infernal door by now, then damn you to hell I will break it down! Why the hell did you change these bloody locks! Answer me! FRAN-''

''Ollie? Ollie, is that you? Come in! Francois said he was expecting you! Don't make a fool of yourself, come on in.''

Holy shit. It was true. Francois didn't find just anybody. He found someone who he knew would make Oliver tremble with rage.

He found his brother. Arthur Kirkland. Francois and Arthur. Arthur and Francois. Well, that stupid toad wasn't kidding when he said he'll find someone just like him. Oh, he'll have hell to pay, going after his brother.

The door finally opened and revealed Arthur, in his one of his boring outfits. A green vest, with a long-sleeved white undershirt. Long khaki pants, complete with brown leather loafers. His hair was messy, just like Oliver's. A mirror image of each other, yet so,so very different. Everyone always had difficulty telling them apart. And now he was with his ex. His Francois. How could Francois do this to him? How could he even move on? Oliver had given him everything he ever wanted! And this is what he does? Kyo was nothing to him, just a toy. Just a silly, insignificant toy he played with and manipulated. Nothing important.

''Oui, Oliver? Mmm, I was expecting you to come soon enough. I invited your brother for special reasons. You know why, yes?'' Francois said, his voice low and deep and everything Oliver wanted. Missed.

''Actually, toad, I came by to collect my things. You won't be seeing me anymore, seeing as you already moved on so quickly. So sorry to inconvenience you. Good Day,'' Oliver said, his ice-cold eyes fading into a dull blue. He pushed past Francois and Arthur, walking as fast as he could to the room him and Francois used to share. Oliver shouldn't care. Francois was-is- as unimportant as Kyo. This isn't bad at all. Why was he complaining?

He got his neon pink duffel bag from the familiar walk in closet. Strange, all that was in here were his and Francois' clothes. Arthur evidently decided to be gracious and hasn't moved his belongings in here yet. Of course, being the gentleman that he is, didn't immediately want to push out all of Oliver's things yet. It would be too humiliating. Oh, after Oliver was done with Francois, Arthur wouldn't escape. Neither of them would escape from Oliver's rage.

Once the duffel bag was stuffed (only one-eighth of his clothes managed to fit in there, he was probably going to need a U-Haul truck later on) he was prepared to leave the room. And he would've, if the door hadn't almost hit him in the face and knocked him over. He immediately lashed out, blindly trying to grab his clothes and stuff them in the duffle bag, without looking up. ''Arthur, I'm almost done packing my shoddy clothes, I'll get out soon enough and then you could move your shit in here!''

''I'll be damned if I moved your brother into this house. He gets on my nerves enough as it is. After all, he has nothing on you, Cupcake,'' Francois said, with a cigarette poking out of his mouth. Oliver looked up, a furious expression on his face.

''Don't try to pull that shit on me, Francy, you know that I'm not fooled easily. I don't mind you being with anyone new, but my brother is just a tad too close for my taste. Just know this; I do not do threeways,'' Oliver huffed, his face turning red from anger. All Francois did was stand and block the door.

''Olive, don't be so dramatic. I called Arthur over today after I sent that text. Even after you pulled the 'I never cared' and the 'I don't need you' crap, I was mad as hell, for sure. Until I realized that I knew you more than that. Yeah, 'I never missed you', my ass. I knew it was bullshit. Arthur came straight away when I told him everything, other than the fact that he was supposed to be my fake boyfriend. And so now, here you are,'' Francois gestured, making a sweeping motion over Oliver. Oliver just remained silent, still trying to zip up his bag. But he couldn't resist replying.

''Oh yeah? Isn't that right? If you were so smart, than why didn't you go get me from Kyo's place, huh? I know you could get through the gates, so don't even say that. I stayed there for three straight weeks until you decided to send me a hateful voice mail, with no apology or anything. How was I supposed to know that you didn't find anyone else after that?''

''I was mad and angry. After thinking that you were cheating on me with Allen, and then finding out you moved in with your Asian drug dealer, what was I supposed to think?'' Francois retorted, still calm and casual. And even though Oliver was still angry, his reasoning made sense. Maybe Francois really was telling the truth...

''Look; If you don't believe me, that's fine. So what? You don't need me. You'll be alright, just fine. I'll just have to live without your cupcakes and whatever else you used to make. After all, I was another one of your boy toys, am I right? You'll just have to live without me, and whatever else I came with. It must be so easy for you to forget, but I'll have you know that I never will. Have a nice life.'' Francois casually finished, about to turn around and walk out of the room.

''Francois..._I'm sorry._ And if you did not hear it, then it's your fault. I'll never say it again, love,'' Oliver whispered, still defiant. At this point, he was standing tall and proud with his neon pink duffel bag to one side. But even if he tried to get on the top of his toes, he could never reach Francois' height. He was resigned to face his chest if he wanted to look straightforward. It was so surprising, however, when the Frenchman pulled the Brit into a gruff hug, rendering everything completely awkward. But that was okay. They could be awkward together.

''So...this is what you wanted when you invited me over for tea, didn't you?'' Arthur groaned, pulling his hands to his face. He completely missed the two middle fingers extended his way. Well, that's what he gets for not knocking.

_Nine In The Afternoon by Panic At The Disco - America x Fem!England _

''Don't you ever miss it Allie? The freedom of our younger days?''

''You git, you act as if we are as old as America itself. Twenty-eight is not old at all! In fact, we're still in college,'' Alice chastised, turning her delicate head slightly upwards to look into her boyfriend's eyes. She felt her blond hair tickle his chin. Clear, crystal, sky blue met a beautiful bold emerald. It was seven o'clock in the evening, and the sun was setting. The had a beautiful view from their house, with a small, shabby balcony that looked over their backyard and into the vast forest.

Four years ago when they first bought it, the neighbors often worried that they were spying on them, and even launched a neighborhood complaint. There was no water to it though; the houses were hardly near each other, and even if they were, then they would have disappeared underneath the shroud of trees. They neighbors were evidently just jealous of anyone who moved into that house, considering the beautiful appearance and the fact that it even had a balcony. And it only fueled their disdain when it turned out that the two newcomers who had moved in had a net wealth _well_ above theirs.

Once Alfred told them all to '_fuck off'_ and '_leave them the hell alone',_ they never bothered them again. It wasn't their business where Alfred and Alice wanted to live, whether it was a mansion or a tasteful house like this._ 'Thankyouverymuchfuckers'_ and '_Haveaniceday,loves.'_

Gradually, over the years, the town became tolerant of them. It helped that the town was less like a small town everyday, due to other families moving here and creating a life of their own. But occasionally, when Alice would leave work to finish up an unfinished lesson plan for her elementary school students, she would find ugly graffiti on the beautiful white siding of their home. The first time it happened, Alice had thrown a huge fit over it. Tears, running mascara, and drama included.

_''They have no right, Alfred! Our beautiful home! Our pride and joy! Stop treating me as if I'm a fragile ninny, Al! Just tell me why they don't like us,'' Alice had said, close to tears and clinging to Alfred's rumpled pajamas. She was grasping, trying to find comfort. Alfred was doing all he could, holding her close to him and frantically trying to wipe her tears. More just kept on coming, and he relented, letting her cry into his shoulder._

_''Shh...They're just jealous..Just calm down, will ya?''_

Now they don't even blink anymore. They mostly just take a picture of it and laugh it off. Alfred makes sure that Alice doesn't get her feathers ruffled too much, while Alice makes sure that her slightly overprotective boyfriend doesn't go kill the next man to outright stare at them if they so much as hold hands. They deserve to do what they want and what they like, no matter who says or thinks otherwise.

But Alfred remembers when it all finally caught up to them last year. They were already on edge; Alice's dear father had landed into a hospital from a heart attack. And what was worse was that Alice didn't know until after he had passed. After she had caught the news from her brother, Scotty, she was also informed by the '_darling ginger brother'_ that she wasn't allowed to come within a hundred mile radius of anyone there. Because, you know, maybe someone might 'abandon all of the family to run off with his boyfriend, too'. _Scotty laughed, and laughed, and laughed..._

_And Alice cried, cried, and cried._

To top it all off, there was a sort of depression in the house after that. Until suddenly, Alice wanted something new. She enrolled herself into college, dragged Alfred along, and strived to make something more of herself. She wanted, no, needed something that was bigger, better than herself. She wanted this. She needed this.

She needed a child.

God, if only all the fights they had could turn into love for the other. Then, and only then, would they get along with no problems. But no... She wanted a child.

_''I just want you to know that I want to settle down and start a family, Al. I want something to love and nurture. We both know that you don't need me to take care of you...So I need to find something that does,'' Alice softly whispered. Looking Alfred straight in the eye. This time, emerald tried to get through cold ice; neither wanted to back down. So this is what Alice wanted all this time? This is what caused her to go into depression? She wanted a child. What the hell..._

_''We can't, Allie, I'm sorry. My job sometimes makes me not come home until six or seven, and I don't really think we're ready. Is this about what Scott said? That bastard didn't know what the hell he was saying, he was probably drunk off his ass. Anyways, I don't think it's a good idea. Let's go to bed instead, huh? You'll feel better in the morning,'' Alfred replied. He didn't realize how hurt poor Alice would be. If he realized how deeply he wounded his girlfriend, he would sooner put tape over his mouth then say those venomous words. The only excuse he had was that he was tired, but even then, it was a sorry and pitiful excuse at best._

_''Well, if that's how you truly feel...then you are a nothing but a fool who could go to hell. I feel ashamed to hear you say that I would propose a life-changing decision because my petty little feelings got hurt? Alfred, if that were the case, then I wouldn't even be bringing this up. But apparently, since my issues don't matter to you, I'll just shut my trap and leave you alone.''_

_Poor little Alfred didn't hear his lover's voice for a week. The silent treatment was so effective that once Alice finally started talking, both of their voices were foreign to each other, like oil and water. Apologies were thoroughly exchanged in bed the same evening...And children were never mentioned again._

''What are you laughing at, Al? Some inside joke that I don't get? Alfred, I demand you wipe that smirk from your face or I will-'' The lovely British girl didn't even have the chance to finish until she was stopped with a mind-blowing passionate kiss.

''Nothing, Allie. Just remembering a few things. Don't worry about it,'' Alfred chuckled, ruffling her hair a little and directing both of their gazes to the sunset. It was beautiful, with blues and pinks and yellows and all those little, tiny, precious colors. He glanced down to see his girlfriend in a sort of trance, those gorgeous eyes turning into two green moons.

_''We're feeling so good, just the way that we do, when it's nine in the afternoon.''_


End file.
